Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia: A disorder that alters perception, inferential thinking, language and communication, behavior, affect,volition and drive, social functioning and attention. Characteristic symptoms may be both positive and negative. Positive symptoms such as delusions, hallucinations, and disorganized speech and behavior reflect an excess of normal function; negative symptoms such as flat effect, alogia and avolition reflect a loss of normal function. Taber's Cyclopedoc Medical dictionary, Editon 18. F.A. Davis Company p1721.
I have been living with Schizophrenia now for almost 6 years. I do not personally have Schizophrenia but my 16 year old son does. Five phychiatrists later I am sitting there listening to my then 14 year old son talk to the Doctor while every physcology class I ever took, and I have taken many since it is a passion of mine, is ringing in my head. The session was over and I sat there very bewildered because reality just slappped me in the face. As we left the office I purposely sent my son to the waiting room and shut the door and tearful asked the Doctor if it was paranoid shizophrenia. She nodded and said we would talk more. Shortly after this reality hit again when I saw it written on an intake paper for respite care which incidently I have never been able to use because of my overwhelming feeling of guilt and abandonment.
Living with this has been a challenge to massive porpotions. It has affected all my relationships. I am no longer with my sons father and I am currently been with a man for almost five years and we have been married for almost four. We have three year old together who has really brought out many feelings and emotions in me because I have something to match my oldest up to now. I now every child is different but basic skills are not they just learn them a slightly different times. It has even affected my relationship with my immediate family. They don't understand or don't want to understand. I heard a lot of negative remarks such as that I just do not spend any time with him or if I just read to him. Well if had been just that easy. I was and I am very involved in my sons life. I am his biggest advocate and have spent countless stressful hours trying to help him adjust and understand. I find it quite funny that I am accused of not spending time with my son where are they.
When my son had his first psychotic break I turned to who I thought I should my family and it came to all about what I was doing wrong. I have never gained their full support and actually they have become much more skeptical of me and are reserved at involving me at any level. As a previous post stated I admit my part in isolation and disinvolvement but when I did reach out there was very little there. It was only until I met my husband that I had true day to day personal support. This has been very tough for him and has strained our marriage. I am often put in the middle of very heated misunderstandings and must pull it together. I love my son because he is a part of me. I will always protect him and be his advocate. I love my husband because he makes me laugh and loves me for who I am and was willing to accept a child that was not his and tries hard to understand him.
Having support is the key to surviving mental illness. I have tons of external support which I contribute to this family unit making it this far. I won't lie and say that is all I need. I would love my family and my sons dad be a more active part of his life. Maybe it will help them understand him better and let them see this not something that I make happen but something I live with.
My son wants everything a 16 year old wants drive a car, have a job and go on dates. His hormones are normal and he looks normal. His attitude is that of a rebellious teenager. It is this charecteristics that make it difficult for most people to understand. My son is anything but normal. He does have a job and he has been on a date or two. This is because he had tremendous support from us and teachers and community. He will continue to have as close to normal life because I have invested thousand hours in research to provide the best teachers, resources and support for him. It will be hard for me to leave him here when we leave for Oregon but it is something I have to do for his sake and ours. His father and three other siblings are here in Michigan along with a majority of his family. I won't leave him empty handed I have plans in the works for him so he will be taken care of and be able to live as "normal" as possible.
I have been living with Schizophrenia now for almost 6 years. I do not personally have Schizophrenia but my 16 year old son does. Five phychiatrists later I am sitting there listening to my then 14 year old son talk to the Doctor while every physcology class I ever took, and I have taken many since it is a passion of mine, is ringing in my head. The session was over and I sat there very bewildered because reality just slappped me in the face. As we left the office I purposely sent my son to the waiting room and shut the door and tearful asked the Doctor if it was paranoid shizophrenia. She nodded and said we would talk more. Shortly after this reality hit again when I saw it written on an intake paper for respite care which incidently I have never been able to use because of my overwhelming feeling of guilt and abandonment.
Living with this has been a challenge to massive porpotions. It has affected all my relationships. I am no longer with my sons father and I am currently been with a man for almost five years and we have been married for almost four. We have three year old together who has really brought out many feelings and emotions in me because I have something to match my oldest up to now. I now every child is different but basic skills are not they just learn them a slightly different times. It has even affected my relationship with my immediate family. They don't understand or don't want to understand. I heard a lot of negative remarks such as that I just do not spend any time with him or if I just read to him. Well if had been just that easy. I was and I am very involved in my sons life. I am his biggest advocate and have spent countless stressful hours trying to help him adjust and understand. I find it quite funny that I am accused of not spending time with my son where are they.
When my son had his first psychotic break I turned to who I thought I should my family and it came to all about what I was doing wrong. I have never gained their full support and actually they have become much more skeptical of me and are reserved at involving me at any level. As a previous post stated I admit my part in isolation and disinvolvement but when I did reach out there was very little there. It was only until I met my husband that I had true day to day personal support. This has been very tough for him and has strained our marriage. I am often put in the middle of very heated misunderstandings and must pull it together. I love my son because he is a part of me. I will always protect him and be his advocate. I love my husband because he makes me laugh and loves me for who I am and was willing to accept a child that was not his and tries hard to understand him.
Having support is the key to surviving mental illness. I have tons of external support which I contribute to this family unit making it this far. I won't lie and say that is all I need. I would love my family and my sons dad be a more active part of his life. Maybe it will help them understand him better and let them see this not something that I make happen but something I live with.
My son wants everything a 16 year old wants drive a car, have a job and go on dates. His hormones are normal and he looks normal. His attitude is that of a rebellious teenager. It is this charecteristics that make it difficult for most people to understand. My son is anything but normal. He does have a job and he has been on a date or two. This is because he had tremendous support from us and teachers and community. He will continue to have as close to normal life because I have invested thousand hours in research to provide the best teachers, resources and support for him. It will be hard for me to leave him here when we leave for Oregon but it is something I have to do for his sake and ours. His father and three other siblings are here in Michigan along with a majority of his family. I won't leave him empty handed I have plans in the works for him so he will be taken care of and be able to live as "normal" as possible.
posted by Kimberly | 7:58 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home