Happy Thoughts

I struck a nerve in an anonymous commenter today and maybe several times before. It is at my blog about Bipolar. I recieved the loudest, fingerpointing, familiar tongue lashing I have I had in a long time. This is for you: I have never mentioned my diagnosis about bipolar ever before nor used to excuse myself and it has been twenty years. I made poor decisions and probably still do as I think all of us do at one point or another. I can say that out loud. My parenting skills could use some honing but then again I never did this before. I am a fair parent and very willing to let my kids be kids. I am very strict and nosey when it comes to what they are doing, going or who they are with. I am guilty of shouldering guilt for lack of discipline at times because of my own fear of retribution. They do not listen to, watch, eat or attend anything that has not met our approval. Yes they slip some by but then didn't we all. Patrick is doing great at school and work because I don't allow him to be labeled. I expect him to be responsible for his actions and I expect society to hold him responsible also. The bar is set at a resonable level not unacheivable. He is great kid full of compassion and care. He is polite and is willing to help stangers when they're in need. This is something I instilled in him. KC is only three. He is very smart and also very compassionate and loving. My husband is a great man forgiving, understanding and loving and willing to make sacraficies for all of us. I am proud of both of my brothers and their accomplishments and think they are lucky to have such beautiful families. I miss having my father and mother here in town somedays especially as I get older and my kids do. I worry about my father and his illness and the effects it can have on his relationship and the physical and emotional deterioation it is capable of. Sometimes knowing is not good. I am guilty for not coming forward at times and saying here I am and I want to be a part of your lives. I know what I want and I am not miserable I am the happiest I have been in years. That honest, intellectual introspection of my thoughts and feelings began 5+ years ago and continues today despite the psychoanlayzing of my blog. I left those feelings of self pity, depression, loathing where it belongs and I can talk about my past, present and future with honest conviction. It is only sad in the fact that I am sure that it is a family member that has anonymously posted this. I have heard those exact same door shuting words before and all I can say is I love you, forgive you and only hope you can do the same to me.