Cartoons

I have always loved cartoons. They are a place to escape for a minute. Today's cartoons are not even close to what I grew up with. I love BOOMERANG because those are the cartoons I grew up with. Tom and Jerry, Flintsones, Jetsons, Pink Panther, Roadrunner and Bugs Bunny and many more. Not that todays cartoons are not good it just some of them are just out there with the violence with no valuable lesson to learn and speak a foriegn dialect. I know that Boomerang keeps my sons attention a lot longer then Nick Junior or Noggin. The only other channel that he sits still for is PBS. Though is nice to have an excuse to watch cartoons like having a kid but it would not matter to me I would still watch them, simple, entertaining and funny.

Between a rock and hard place

Today I am perplexed by an article I read on CCN.com. It was about New Orleans and how a chief of police was upset with the 249 officers that abandoned their post during Hurricane Rita and it's aftermath. First of all, these are humans we are talking about, right? Men and Women who may have pledged to serve and protect but are not combat trained. Did they not have families they needed to protect and their own intrest to look after? I not sure about you but I would not function very well at work knowing that my loved one may be lost out there in mother natures fury nor would I be able to function knowing that my place of safety and sanity may be (or is) under water. These officers face a tribunal for their actions. WOW, heaven forgive me that my family and me are more important then any job. I work because society gives me no choice if I want to have some safety and sanity, even it is meager, there is greedy hand expecting some type of restitution. There is days though walking away is so appealing. A place where I am not shushed for my beliefs, somewhere politics are never spoke of. Don't tempt, I may go.

Clarity with time

It is amazing with passing time that clarity of behavior becomes more apparant. I spent twleve years in a relationship of deception and trapped with low self esteem. I can say I walked away from that bitter and cautious. Most of that being subconscious. When I met my current husband, I was not looking for a relationship matter of the fact it was the furthest thing from my mind. What happened over the next few months was ochrestrated by something beyond our control. He remembers me from the age of nine unfortunately I do not remember him. I went to school with his Aunt and Uncle (he is only 4 1/2 years younger then me). I met his mother and was reaquainted with his Aunt just two months prior to even knowing of his existence. It was after talking one day we connected everything. He had lived in the same area in Traverse City off and on for the last twenty years that I had resided in, since this is officially my second time back since I first move to GR. Our time together become progressive more often and longer. It was amazing it was if we were puppets of someone elses play. Some how we both knew we belonged together. He asked me to marry him after three months I think this startled him as much as it did me but for some reason it just seemed right.

In the midst of planning a wedding I became pregnant. This was a total shock to me but a delight to him. How could this be I was taking birth control, though I had just been sick and doing an antibotic series? I had just seen the doctor. Like me TJ has the belief things happen for a reason. I was just struggling with this because things were happening way fast. Now this five and 1/2 years has not been peaches everyday we both have a lot of baggage and trust issues. Though I do have to say that TJ and I are best friends and have weathered some pretty tough situations. Everyday we let go of our insecurities and put our trust in one another a little deeper. We live as if we only have one another and our kids.

Truth

My whole life I was told to tell the truth, lying is bad. Well I do not lie I am pretty straight forward. What I want to know is why nobody can handle the truth? At the very least why is my preceptions discounted? Though we live amoungst others we function and develop memories seperate from those around even though the scene is the same. We are each affected by that which we are exposed to a diferent way. I can only answer to what I have experienced though I have the ability to remove myself and have the most needed empathy in some cases. Part of my education at work is about diversity. Diversity is not just about race, sex, or ethnic background. It is about accepting people for who they are and their limitations and strengths. We each process things different hence the glass half empty, half full; you say tomato I say tomatoe.We each need to STOP and remember that our preceptions drive us not others.

One too many

Damn, I thought the headaches were gone. Nope I was rudely awaken at 4:30 am to a sharp distinct pain on the left side of my head. Like a machine I arose, went to the bathroom, drank some water, grabbed a glass of milk and headed for the cupboard. I produced two vicodin for the hopeful relief. I again was awakened at 10:00 with the jabbing reminder of it's presence. Same routine but now its 2 vicodin, 1 tigan, 1 corgard, and a prozac. 5 mins of inhalation therapy and finally I do not care about the pain. It is still there but I do not care. The picture is a result of not caring.

The rest of the trip

The light between the trees

We went for a beautiful drive and this is just one of the beautiful views we saw. The awesome power of the trees with the sun shining through gives you perspective on what a small but significant part of the universe. 

Hostage

Some nights my husband and I just sit and chat about what ever comes to mind and run with it. Last night I was telling him it is easy to forgive people for things they have done or I precieved had done. I have difficulties understanding why people forget the path they had traveled this far in life. I do not think we have to wear a sign describing all our indescretions and accomplishments but I feel that we should embrace them mentally as we walk our narrow path of life. How far back into our past sould we go? I think the age of reasoning, which is different for each of us. We should use these experiences as a template and a reminder of how complicated life can become. People argue that we must take in account our family history. I don't argue that but instead I respond that we are hostage to our genes but have the capability to develop our own history within the confines of genetics. It is resonable to have future goals but one must be flexible in thought and deed because to rely on these goals as rule may take you down a path of deadends.

The path we travel is narrow and winding

We insticntively follow that what lies in front of us

Some forget and close each door and throw away the key

Serendipity 2005

Reflections

My head just hurts. The Dr says it is one of two things. Since I have a history of migraines he thinks that my migraines are cylcing and he is hoping to stop them with some new drugs. He gave me something for the pain a little stronger the tylenol 3 and something for the nauesa and a new beta blocker. Unfortunately I am unable to work while on the meds so I am off on medical leave for a moment. The other thing he says it could be is a pseudotumor ceberi. Intercranial hypertension. It acts like a brain tumor. All I know is I feel as if I am standing on my head at all times. There is lots of pressure in my skull. The pain follows after a period of pressure or if I put my head a certain way. The drugs keep me pretty doped up but nothing helps the pressure go away. I am just looking for relief now. This is like the worse sinus infection, head cold, nauseating thing you can imagine. I try to stay in touch.

Migraine

What started out to be a nagging headache for the last eight days turned into a raging migraine. I hate when it gets that bad. It is like giving birth in your head. Waves of pain and nausea. I lose all control. I become hypertensive, diaphoretic and tearful. My husband rushes me to the hospital for the magic cocktail. I lose a day everytime this happens. I am miserable before the ER then I am snowed for the rest of the day. Yesterday is the first time in a year and a half since I have had to be rushed to the ER because of my migraine got out of control. Nothing like embarrassment. Half dressed, unshowered dishelved women crying out in pain with the dry heaves. Nothing like the sting of IV being inserted in your hand because your so tense they can't find any other start. Nothing is sweeter then medicine taking you to another plane where there is no pain or nausea just sleep, deep sleep. Better living through pharmaceuticals.

Great America

I am not going to reprint this article but I could of not of said it better. It is another example on how our government is all about the show. Like these victims I believe in the inherent good in people but won't hold my breath because seeing is believing. Keep preaching the choir has left the building.


Click the link "Great America" or Link on the bottom.

Link

A mothers story

Becoming a mother is a blessed event. The first time I discovered that I was going to be a mother I did not feel very blessed. I was twenty years old. My lifestyle choices at the time were not very conducive to motherhood. I was going to Bible College at the time. I just recently came from a halfway house where I spent six months in lieu of jail time. I had violated my probation for being picked up intoxicated in a public place. Not only was I intoxicated but I was a minor and violated my probation. A few weeks prior, I was found guilty for attempted breaking and entry. I was on the fast track of destruction and not willing to turn around anytime soon.
I sat in the dorm bathroom trying to remember when my period was. I was sure I should have had it by now besides I was taking birth control pills. I thought back to several weeks prior when I had been with my on again off again boyfriend at a Halloween party. My girlfriend and I dressed up as hookers and my boyfriend was our pimp. We went out trick-or-treating. We went back to my girlfriend’s house where we drank for a while then crashed. That had to be the night I conceived my son. I was exhausted, going to school full time and just recently applied for a managerial job at the mall. I had no insurance, no steady income as of yet and I was at a Bible College.
I approached Planned Parenthood with the up most caution…….

My little Red Rooster

I live in the middle of town and I have a live in rooster. He is going to be four years old this month. Just when I am sleeping good I hear the rooster crow. "MOM,MOM". Oh please let it be noon. No the sun has just risen over the horizon and awoke my little red rooster.

Christianity.....not

I do not want to make a clear declaration of atheism because that is not what I am about. I have beliefs that are rooted in spiritual thinking not necessarily Christianity. In this household we pray a lot mostly giving thanks for what we do have. My experiences have shaped my spirituality. My observations have invaded my thoughts. When people claim they are Christians or of some religious sect I have learned to scrutinize this carefully. What I was taught and I believe is far from what I see. It is my understanding that Christianity is about unity, forgiveness and love. There is only a small portion of the claimed Christians that fit this description. I have met true atheist that have more unity, forgiveness and love. Christianity is rooted in deep family values. I have seen the most dysfunctional families in the world claim and live as if they were Christians.

I do not understand this. I believe in simplicity. Strip away all the riches, greed, thoughts and equalize the belief system and you have equality. People wonder why their children rebel. They are the most opened minded, uncorrupted part of society that is confused by that which is preached and that which is lived.

Greed

Devastation has no limits. New Orleans rich and deep in history and culture has been rendered helpless. Almighty Mother Nature has left a devastating calling card that has left the poor much poorer. Sadly a lot of these people have resorted to looting local businesses and their unfortunate neighbors. I am willing to bet 50% of the looters are doing this out of survival. Some of these people had very little and now they have nothing.

This always tugs at my heart. I find it hard to understand why millions of people have to continue to live in poverty while things become more unavailable to them due to politics and greed. I don’t support people that don’t make some efforts in taking responsibility in their lives, but for those that come against walls at every turn because they make too much money (by whose standards), not enough education (that is expensive), limited transportation or no support. This country is stewed deep in Capitalism which exploits a majority of the country. There is a select few that control all the resources. With our knowledge in technology and such I feel there is no excuse for the growing population of poor. We should be united. Our greed and selfishness is to blame for economic devastation and political irresponsibility.

I have worked without fail for twenty two years now. I have lived in poverty a good part of it and it was not always from a lack of trying. I have been told I make too much money. I only had enough to survive, my bills were paid and we ate. There was no saving for emergencies which could take me several months to recover from. I finally got my education and I am still paying for that. Today at least we can save for emergencies but the amount is minimal and back to back crisis really brings us to a stand still. Recovery is quicker then it used to be. I don’t want something for nothing but I believe our efforts should be recognized and we should make it a daily practice to share the wealth and comfort.