Verbal communication

I am thinking that my verbal comunication sucks. I know what message I want to convey it just never leaves my mouth in the same fashion that it is in my head. It is frustrating. I write alot because I feel it is alot closer to the actual message because I can edit it. There is days I just want to pack and go because I feel it makes no difference anyway. I know this sounds like I am feeling sorry for myself but walk in my shoes for a moment. Sit in a meeting and make a very valid point after waiting paitiently and people talk over you. A day later it looks as if they ignored you because no one acknowledged you that day. Your fed up with it so you ask doesn't anybody listen that just does not work it puts people at risk and all I get is yeah we heard you we are doing something else. It really is hard to put a lot of effort in something somedays with no rest or return. I do not need acclaimations for every accomplishment. I just am feeling very under appreciated, overworked, overstressed without the ability to commuicate this effectively verbally without offended those around me. I am serious, my life has changed, no more games and I am drowning here. This sucks. I just want people to listen to me and believe me.

The written word

Besides the observation of people, reading is my favorite past time. I enjoy expanding my brain if needed or taking it on a well deserved vacation since the body seldom leaves. I am pretty open minded and realize like people writing is the reflection of the author either intentional or unintentional. There is scholars, researchers, journalist and such that bring us useful information that we gobble up as true and unfallable. There is screenwriters, authors, musicians whose purpose is entertainment us or is it. For every opinion there is an opposite view. Most people do not dig below the surface and anyone with an agenda counts on that. No this does not call for mass paranoia it calls for paying attention and listen and getting all the facts. I love reading. I do not think I have never not once picked up something new to read and not learned.

With todays technology the written word is at the touch of a button follow a few simple keystrokes. I can research anything in matter of moments expand my research, refine it or just simply be entertained by others. As you now know I also am part of the written word either intentional or unitentional and millions of people have access if they so desire and type the right keystrokes.

A little diversion in life

It seems you fix one thing and another thing is broke. I am on enough antiseizure medication now that my migraines are tolerable and livable. My dumb luck; I finally convinced the doctor to CT my neck. I have been complaining that I have shrunk 2 inches since in the past 15 years and I am not that old. Some of my Migraines were triggered from from the occupital region of my head (back of head, base of my neck). Arthritis causing stenosis on the spinal cord. Well that is fine and dandy except that it is causing problems. Annoying ones. I tolerate pain because nothing compares to migraines, but the numbness and the tingling in my arms, legs and now face have to go. It interfers with things I do on a daily basis. My Doctor was very concerned with its progression as I. We are both dissappointed with the neurologist I have. So he is send me to a Rehab neurologist who I have been to before. I just do not want permanant damage. The wheels of medicine can turn slow and it is not exact so frustration ensues.

WHAT????

I can not believe, well I take that back I do believe that our government are hypocrites. I don't hunt, but I have had a gun in my hand and I have pulled the trigger a few times. I was instructed very clearly that I was to be in control of the gun at all times and aware of my surroundings. Now I understand accidents, but I was also taught to admit when I have done something wrong immediately not to hide it, or embellish the story just give the facts. Shame on Vice President Dick Cheney and the administration for dragging their feet on this. It only made them look more suspect. Now who needs a bugging program. Surely not the American people we seem to be left in the dark and the last to know. I have never been so disgusted with politics as I am now. Bush's administration is so busy forcing his religious and moral beliefs on the nation that the real nation continues to suffer at the hands of his policies. There is too many distractions with too many real issues here at home and we are going to pay for it. Vice President Dick Cheney just spotlights what's wrong with our administration. If it was me that shot my friend, I am pretty sure 1.I would lose my gun and license 2. A huge investigation with charges pending.

Complexity of thought

I am amazed at people. My favorite thing to do is just to listen to the things they say and watch what they do. I have become a sponge over the years. I know this much I have no fight left in me. I know that I have changed. I learned a few years back if you have high expectations, expect disappointment. It has been a long couple weeks. Emotions runnning. Just when I thought the tears had come to an end more come pouring out and the memories flooded my mind. I really enjoyed the family time but the circumstances sucked. Sometimes I am not sure if I have put myself to far outside the loop and there is no hope to make it in or that is the way that is the way it is suppose to be. I feel uncomfortable imposing myself on others at this point because that's what it would have to be now the connection is just not there. Either way I just cherish the few moments I do get. I appreciate what help is there and have no expectations.

Grandpa John

My emotions have been running this past week on fumes.  I have finally able to make sense of things and pull things together in my mind.    My grandfather passed Saturday.  It was an emotional week.  Out of sadness came some great stories from everyone as we shared in our grief.  Today I put together this poem.  I envisioned myself as a child until the moment my grandfather took his last breath.  I was at his bedside just moments before singing to him and holding his hand.  He had what appeared a tear in the corner of his eye.  I told him I hope it wasn’t my singing that was making him cry.  I excused myself and told him I loved him and he was not alone.  I returned a moment later to find the angels had taken him home.


I am going to see my grandpa today and I can not wait
He has strong hands and stands tall
He makes me laugh and picks me up when I fall


I am going to see my grandpa today and I can not wait
His stories are the best.
He seems to never stop without a rest


I am going to see my grandpa today and I can not wait
His eyes are closed and there is no sound but the
Fluttering of the angels wings all around


I am not going to see my grandpa today but
That is okay because I got see the
Angels take him away
Serendipity 2006