Happy Seventeenth

Seventeen years and 7 hours and 16 minutes ago I became MOM. It is hard to believe that my son is fast approaching adulthood. He is a great kid and is very kind. He loves to help people and does his job with 150% of his effort. This next year will be busy filled with future plans, senior pictures and graduation. One to eighteen and one to go.

Emotions

This last week has been a hurdle for me. My emotions have been all over the map. I am not sure if I am up or down. I am exhausted and emotional drained. My son became very ill and required hospilization to help stabilize him. This illness brought my whole family together in an emotional turmoil. There sure is a big lack of communication. Over the years I have isolated myself for whatever reason. Several poor decisions that I had made cemented the separation. Though these last five years I have been working on changing for the better. I put myself through college. I am less then 10 credits shy from bachelors degree in Social Science I just am little busy being mom, wife and a nurse. I have used this blog to express my feelings or perceptions as a way to get them out of my head. Some of the blogs are not very flattering and attack my families character. Despite my anger and spiteful spirit I love my family and would give anything for them. This blogging has in sense been therapy though I am willing to admit I should seek out some personal therapy for some private issues that I will not post. I have found it always easier to write then talk, my tongue gets in the way. I am ready for healing and progress.

Heart strings

This has been the most stress I have felt in a long time. It seems as my breath was just knocked out of my sails. I believe there surely is a greater power at work in my life and I am truly saddened that it had to come to this point for me to be awake. I am truly exhausted and have no fight left in me. My children are my life. My husband and my family are my strength. I am not sure I am going to stand on my two feet because to watch my child disintegrate in front of my eyes as I stood there helpless in my selfish pride has brought me to a humble state of mind. I pray that this is the healing process for all.

DADDY'S TEARS

The day I felt my daddy's tears made me cry

Dads are to be tall and strong but mine has crumbled to the ground.

I made my daddy cry today I can hear his sigh

He is a prideful man that has taught me right from wrong

Without my daddy I would not be here today

So God hear this prayer, wipe his tears and keep him strong

Good morning hot one

As the sunrise I awaken in a pool of sweat. Never mind the two fans I have blowing on me right now. The humidity here in Michigan is just rentless. Our lack of rain has turned my yard into a hayfield. What little sprinkles we do get just up the ante for the heat index. As we speak it is 76 degrees out and very few clouds in sight. It was quiet, suddenly everyone and the world that surrounds me awakes so I must go now and join the chaos.

WHY????

A little something from last weeks airshow.

Serendipity 2005

Family Divide

I was quite intrigued but surely not suprised at the the family divide yesterday at the family reunion/grandpas birthday. There was tension the moment we arrived and it was never hidden. Though united at mealtimes it is obvious this is a family of different values. I loved seeing everybody especially since it had been 13 years since I had seen some of the people and had the oppurtunity to meet new faces. Because no one really addressed us unless they came to us face to face I had plenty of time to observe. I felt as if I could been invisible and that would be okay. This was not a matter of me not trying to apporoach them it was more like them causually avoiding us.

I care....Not

I am not sure why today but then I never really am sure why I am acutely aware of the changes in me. I believe we truly live on a continuum that which some of us are aware of each step. To me it is my inner voice that makes the annoucement loud and clear.

I think how we feel about what other people think is like a loud sign saying "You are Here Now". For me when the lesson is learned I am again confident in who I am and don't feel the need of approval. When I struggle with a life lesson I feel insecure so I feel the need of comfort. I find with each step I am holding on to the confidence a little longer and the insecurity a lot less. I think that I have begun another journey because today I reached a check point.

Let me Have Fantasy

I just finished reading a news article that got me a little annoyed. A women is going to use the Harry Potter series to teach a summer program about chemistry and fun. As always there is opposition. Christian groups feel that J.K. Rowling promotes sorcery with her books. First of all I respect these groups feelings. What I do not agree with is that J.K Rowling is some evil deviant out to corrupt the minds of children. I am an avid reader and have read the Harry Potter series and can not wait for the next installment. From a very young age children are taken to the library and explained the difference between fiction, nonfiction, autobiography and documentary. Maybe these Christian groups better go to the library for their own explanation of written genre.

I read non fiction fantasy to escape the cruel reality of life. When I pick up a book it allows me to emerge myself in another world whether it be Hogwarts castle or on a wild adventure to break the DaVinci code. I keep in mind that this is book a source of entertainment. If the authors did not weave in life like reality how would your alter conscience engage in the fantasy of the whole thing. If I want to the facts of something I don't pick up books that say Science fiction, fantasy, or fiction. Books are a great alternative to what is on the TV today. With today's in your face news and shows that exploit the news. I feel an already intense world becoming an unattended bomb. Remember books are the works of man/woman and we should feel a privilege of being able to see the inside some of the greatest minds.


Main Entry: fic·tion Pronunciation: 'fik-sh&nFunction: nounEtymology: Middle English ficcioun, from Middle French fiction, from Latin fiction-, fictio act of fashioning, fiction, from fingere to shape, fashion, feign -- more at DOUGH1 a : something invented by the imagination or feigned; specifically : an invented story b : fictitious literature (as novels or short stories) c : a work of fiction; especially : NOVEL2 a : an assumption of a possibility as a fact irrespective of the question of its truth b : a useful illusion or pretense3 : the action of feigning or of creating with the imagination

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The Summer

The heat of summer wages on. The back the school stuff begins its apperances. Even though I worked retail for many years it still throws me off when I see how the seasons are rushed in by the greed of the marketplace. It will be another month and winter coats will be available for layaway. It is a wonder that there is a set defined time left. You would think with all this technology and advances we would have a moment to rest. Not true unless you take it for yourself. I honestly think I forgot how to relax and take time for me. I am so busy working full time, raising kids, being a wife, doing what is right that I forget what is right for me. Though I am pleased with a lot of things in my life lack of time is my biggest disappointment. I have to work there is no getting around it though I am still looking for that dream job, I love my kids and have fun playing with them but would love to find time without them, being a wife is something I squeeze in there and feel I like I do not get to do it enough. Doing what is right, for who? As the tick of the clock fills the day I sit and try to figure how to get few tocks back.

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday to my brother! 34 years young today. Thats a guy if he would stop a minute and remember where he has been and what his choices lead him to, would be one helluva guy. I love him regardless and wish him only the best!! Happy Birthday Brian!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reunion

Nothing like seeing someone after 25 years to make you think about who you have become. After waiting for summer my moment came. We stood there wondering if we were one another. My best friend from ninth grade there amoungst the hundreds of people and loud music in the ever popular open space. She still had her big smile and infectious laugh. For an instant it was like junior high all over again. Then reality hit we are 25 years older no longer new teenagers but making a fast approach to midlife. Watching her and another classmate really made me reflect on who I am today. I sure have taken a journey in my short life time. I have experienced things I could of done without but have made me who I am. As the music played on I just sat there in a daze reflecting continuously. I watched the people interact around me as if I was an invisible observer. I really enjoyed the company but somehow felt disconnected from the whole scene.

Festival Galore

Here we are celebrating another Fourth of July. Here in Michigan it is festival galore. The famous Cherry Festival attracts people from far away. It makes it next to impossible to move around the streets. The Charlevoix Venetian Festival begins in a week they have a great time and good food. Gaylord has a great Alpine Fest lots of music and events to enjoy. If you are traveling in West Michigan at the end of July stop in Grand Haven for the Coast Guard Festival they have great light show at night. If you like to laugh and hear great stories head over to Flint next week for the Michigans Storytellers Festival. If you like music and you are in the southwest part of the state head over to Kalamazoo for their Blues Festival. For a blast from the past stop in Novi for the 50's Festival. Check out the link if you are going to be vacationing in Michigan or are just looking for something to do.

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Sexual predators

As a parent my immediate thought process and gut reaction is to exterminate all sexual predators especially those that rob the innocent, children. I am sure this would be the first words out of my mouth if it was my child. As a person who values what little freedom and privilege I have left in this world I must think my next thoughts through clearly. Law or rules are made for the extremist, those who can not seem to live in respect with others. The real kicker is those laws and guidelines cover everyone and I mean everyone. I agree with the GPS warning system for offenders and I believe that being informed is our right as citizens living amongst the free. Colonies I do not agree with, "strength in numbers".

When it comes to writing new legislation can we leave emotion out? What is good for the whole must not infringe on one another. There is very few "black and white" cases just a lot of grey. Whether we like it or not "money" is going to make this law not rational or forethought. I want to stop these senseless murders as bad as those victiminized by them because it could be my children next but we must proceed with caution. This is suppose to be a country were the little people have a voice. This little person says punish them as they should be but let us not react to their horrifying behavior but act in accordance to that which takes in the facts. It is my understanding that if my husband and I , two legal consenting adults are caught having sex in a public place such as our car in a roadside park we would have to register as sex offenders because it is considered lewd behavior. Neither of us are threat to society or children just horny. New legislation can not be all encompassing but must neverless cover holes. I will keep my ears opened for that which I am sure is sitting in draft on someone's desk as I type. Write your congressman with logical ideas not barbaric.