Toss and turned

(For those that need the disclaimer: remember what's in my head needs to be out on the paper whether fictional or not) I have tossed and turned for the last couple nights because the behavior of two young girls just emphasize what I feel is smoke blowing up my ass as always. I am not perfect nor johnny on the spot. I do not ignore family when they are standing two feet from me. Not just ignore but make sure my whole body language is evident. Children do tell on there parents don't they? What happen to all the pretty words and psychology now? Love my ass. A bunch of hypocrites. I have never turned my back despite the radiating bullshit. Not one phone call as promised. The cycle continues and I let it. I can't no more I will die and I mean literally die. When I get emotional right now it still messes with me neurologically hence the reason I am trying to lay low. I don't know about you but being only 38 and not being able to talk or barely walk scared the hell out of me and I don't want to go there any more. I have another child to raise that I am sure that is being scrutinized and criticized. My children are my children they are safe and I have done the best the I can do raise them just as parents do. I don't tell anyone how to raise their children. No one pays my bills or walks in my shoes. This is just a typical American household trying to make ends meet and live life our lives not everyone else's.