Frustration

I think the most frustrating thing about this last month is the inability for me to convey how I physically feel. The battle I have everyday with myself. I have never just sat home and not worked. It is frustrating because I have bad days and have some really good days. Good news, is one of the test has been moved up. The important one the MRI. Maybe it will explain the pain, pressure, emotional viability and give me a start so I can be back at what I do. Take care of things. There is no sense of control when you are ill. I am a people pleaser and this is exhausting right now I need help and I don't give up that part of me easy. This is taking an emotional toll on everyone. We need a break from craziness and chaos. To many things are happening and large lack of understanding and patience are making this very difficult for me to handle appropriately. I am kind of angry I am not sure why I should be handling anything. I give so much of myself I just want a little return. I am not sure what to even ask for or how because I keep such a tight rein on myself and tasks. It just doesn't feel right to need and I am having a very difficult time adjusting. I know my husband is angry and frustrated as I am. We need some us time and it just is no where to be found. I can not even manage to take my own advise that I give my ill patients and SO's. Take some time alone with one another so you can be each others strentgh. Some way God willing this change us positively I pray.