Coming a long ways
In 1993 I sought out counseling with a physcologist in Grand Rapids. I eventually became part of a study group of people diagnosed with manic-depression or bipolar. I was given some medication to help control some of my wide mood swings and spent 2hours a week in group therapy and 1 hour with one on one. This lasted 12 weeks. The medication stabled my moods but I lost the battle with stress because I disregarded my new founded coping skills. I stop taking my medication abruptly and did not deal with my immediate responsibility.
Since then with a lot of reflecting and self imposed rules I went back on my medication and back into therapy. This was in 1994. I stayed on my medication until 1998 and worked on my coping skills. In 1999 things in my life were getting crazy I was going to school full time and working and trying hard to be mom and dad. I gave in to the craziness a begun to spiral down the difference now is I reached out. I started to go to AA. I don't believe that I am an alcholic but I do believe that I needed the support and fundamentals that AA taught me. Three months in is when I had a epipthany of sorts. It was as if someone finally released all the information that every counselor, psychologist or social worker had shared with me in remarkable clarity. I began my journey to healing. It has been a bumpy road and I still have a few things to conquer but despite these demons I think I have come a long ways.
I believe in honesty and frankness and work very hard to practice this an a daily basis. Both my husband and I do. We made some very poor decisions in our short lifes and despite society we have paid for our sins. The sad thing is we are still scrutinized with every move by few. We wish someone would give us a timeline of forgiveness. Despite this we move forward and find strength in one another. I think the big difference today compared to 5 years ago is I am more willing to listen I just want the same respect.
Why do I share this? There is lots of speculation. It is easy to assume that nothing has changed. A whole lot has changed including me. I am not perfect. I am not willing to give up my identity but I am willing to define it. I again repeat that this blog is just a glimpse of my mind. To see it written alows me to manipulate it, change it, improve it or remove it. This is my way of sharing without all the emotion tangled up in the words.
Since then with a lot of reflecting and self imposed rules I went back on my medication and back into therapy. This was in 1994. I stayed on my medication until 1998 and worked on my coping skills. In 1999 things in my life were getting crazy I was going to school full time and working and trying hard to be mom and dad. I gave in to the craziness a begun to spiral down the difference now is I reached out. I started to go to AA. I don't believe that I am an alcholic but I do believe that I needed the support and fundamentals that AA taught me. Three months in is when I had a epipthany of sorts. It was as if someone finally released all the information that every counselor, psychologist or social worker had shared with me in remarkable clarity. I began my journey to healing. It has been a bumpy road and I still have a few things to conquer but despite these demons I think I have come a long ways.
I believe in honesty and frankness and work very hard to practice this an a daily basis. Both my husband and I do. We made some very poor decisions in our short lifes and despite society we have paid for our sins. The sad thing is we are still scrutinized with every move by few. We wish someone would give us a timeline of forgiveness. Despite this we move forward and find strength in one another. I think the big difference today compared to 5 years ago is I am more willing to listen I just want the same respect.
Why do I share this? There is lots of speculation. It is easy to assume that nothing has changed. A whole lot has changed including me. I am not perfect. I am not willing to give up my identity but I am willing to define it. I again repeat that this blog is just a glimpse of my mind. To see it written alows me to manipulate it, change it, improve it or remove it. This is my way of sharing without all the emotion tangled up in the words.
posted by Kimberly | 8:04 AM
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