Thinking

I have been doing nothing but thinking and I believe sometimes this is my own sabatoge. It has been a very difficult month for me emotionally. I have seen three professionals and several non-professionsals looking for some validation for the way I feel. Despite a resounding yes over and over. I am struggling with this. I am not sure why. How is it the one that is the most psychotic blemish in society can not understand others lack of acceptance? It just blows my mind how despite constant change most people have very little flexibility or tolerance when it comes to humans. Most people will accept an upgrade in technology that supposely makes their life "easier" but unwilling to see and accept the social changes therefore limiting the positive abilities in people. There is nothing wrong with a challenge it helps us grow but the challenge must be attainable by the individual in order for them achieve benefits. Unrealistic goals and challenges further impairs ones emotional capabilities in turn reinforcing low self esteem.

I have always been a big fan of Maslows Heirarchy of Needs it is simple and just seems to be common sense. http://web.utk.edu/~gwynne/maslow.HTM I am far from being a professional psychologist, social worker or such. I am a professional. I am a nurse and I have advance critical thinking skills and training that allow me to treat my patients holilistically. I am part of larger team of people including Doctors, Social Workers, Nutritionist, Therapist, Clerical, Support, Technologist and on and on. We work together learning from one another what works. These people rely on my assessment physically, mentally, and socially of a person to support diagnosis and treatment. Despite the disrespect for my postion that I sometimes hear from complete ignorance, Nursing is a tough job and it is not all about pill pushing and babysitting. I spend long hours trying to eliminate my position through education and support. Peoples lives depend on my ability to think rationally and with their best intrest. Due to most peoples inability to accept change my job is safe and in high demand. I know for a fact I am not one of those nurses that patients ask not to come back, Peers look for me to help solve technical and nursing decicions, I am flexible and willing to take a challenge. People may talk about me but I am pretty confident it is not because of lack of skills or professionalism and I am flattered when people seek me out for help especially those that have been nursing longer then me.

I was told after two hours of psychological testing my faults are my best strengths and make me a reliable and good nurse. I have the tendancy to be extremely independent which I am trying to tone done a little. I am person with empathy for others but suffer a lower self-esteem due to my inability or willingness to let others help me. I second guess my capabilities instead of accepting them and letting them speak for themselves. I am passive-agressive a good amount of the time which I recognize and are making changes in my behavior slowly. My mind still races constantly and I have several things on my plate at any given time. I chuckled as I watched my youngest child. He can be absolutly exsaperating. His energy levels are at extreme high levels. I chuckle because he is me. I am going to find a way he can keep this spirit and thrive and not have to wait thirty eight years before he realizes he is okay and he can accept his individuality as his strengths.

Link