Come and Gone

The holiday has come and gone and the New Year fast approaches. I am already exhausted. I suspect it is mostly from the anticipation of things that never happened. I am very pleased with that. I see small hope but I hope it is not false hope and there is some understanding. I have been on the defense for so long I would like to just once to let go. I think I defend out of self preservation a fear of losing control of that I work so hard to put in order. It is my control mechanism. I am so tired now. I just want my son safe, supported and loved so I can let my guards down.