Dreams

I think I had dreams once. I am not talking about the subconscious chatter in our brains as we sleep. The other day as I stood in the locker room getting myself ready for work there was the mutual sigh that a few of us get as we begin our early morning regimen. " I rather be home" , "Me too", " I do not want to work", "Me neither but then I would not be able to have a home or eat or just plan live". I chuckled. It sucks that things such as a job dictates our happiness. I am a registered nurse and have been for 4 years. I have worked at the hospital almost 7 years. I am far from the compassionate nurse. I care about my patients and their needs are always addressed and met to the best of my ability. It is job not a passion. Why did I go into nursing? To be totally honest I am not sure. I mean I really am not sure. I know that there is really other things I rather do. None of things really allow me to pay the bills at least not at first. Nursing came easy to me and people say I look comfortable and confident but inside I am bored. The thing that at work I like is the technology. That is interesting. Not something I would be happy doing as a living.

My mother and my aunt for years and I mean years tell me I should write a book. I like to write but not sure in what direction. As previously posted my life has been in constant change. I have reflected a lot on myself and I evolve continuously. Somewhere inside is the electic artist that peeks her head out every once in a while. I think she hides due to being squashed early on in life. I reflected back on my short life the other night as my mother reveled in her own pain. I'm sure I seemed strange if not eccentric to many as a child. I had crazy ideas that very few could understand. Would of I been famous? HaaaHaaa Haaa. I could be famous now I guess anybody can. If that is my destination I am sure it unfold itself. I believe everything happened the way it should. I have promised myself to be more true and honest to who I am. I raised a couple eyebrows but I will move slow. Everyday I am a little more liberated and I hope to someday be FREE.

DREAM

Freedom to speak and to be

emotionally unchained

To take a deep breath and

to dance in the rain

To paint the sky purple

and be perfectly sane

To take an obscure picture

of a man all alone

To sit on a tall hill and

write a silly poem

My dreams are so near but yet so far away

Release me you demons do as I say

Serendipity 2005